*Daughter Ali had a knack for knowing exactly where all 50 states are located*

“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.” ~ Marcel Proust

“Traveling – it leaves you speechless, then turns you into a storyteller.” ~ Ibn Battuta

“The important thing is to never stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing” ~ Albert Einstein

“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.” ~Andre Gide

“You can shake the sand from your shoes, but not from your soul.” ~ Unknown

As I sit here in the passage of time between one life and the next, I reflect back on the epic adventure that my family embarked on three years ago - a family of six moving to the other side of the world for 2.5 years (read more here), then journeying home again (read more here). The children visited (or drove through) 35 states in the US, and it was a few more for my husband and I as we did some additional travel. I realise, with even more clarity now that I’m home in locked-down-Melbourne, just how lucky we all were to experience so much of the education, diversity and brilliance of travel and living in another culture. We lived in the US through one of it’s most defining times in history - the early stages of COVID, Black Lives Matter protests, and the 2020 election. What we lost out in some travel that was cancelled - both our own and that of some family that were coming to visit us - was made up for in the once-in-a-lifetime events we experienced (see this blog post on our historical road trip in June/July 2020 where we saw protest camps, BLM activities and Confederate statue removal). I’ve told people on our return that you couldn’t buy a ticket to what we saw, we were just lucky to be there at the right time (or wrong time depending if you’re a glass-half-full or a glass-half-empty kind of person). We definitely took the challenging times in our stride and made the most of living in this unique time in history.

But with enormous adventure, upheaval and change comes growth, along with some sharp growing pains! Particularly when the adventure starts, but even more so when it ends and you’re back home trying to fit a new and improved version of yourself into your old life. It doesn’t quite fit the way it used to, so you have to work out how to make the necessary adjustments. Reverse culture shock was always going to be challenging - there’s not as much excitement coming home as there is moving to a new destination, and being in lockdown for most of the 4 months we’ve been home has compounded the emotions. I’ve likened it to the frog-boiling-in-the-pot fable - for those in Victoria that have lived through the world’s longest lockdown, you might feel like the frog that started off in the cold water, but you’ve slowly boiled and become used to lockdowns along the way (I’m speculating here, forgive me if I’m wrong). For us on the other hand, it feels like we’ve been thrown straight into the pot of boiling water. It’s a complete shock to the system after our relative freedoms in the US throughout COVID. This is compounded again by the fact that we brought our return trip home forward by six months due to a death-in-the-family and my mother now being on her own in South Australia, but I can’t even travel one state over to go and visit! There has been many a day where I’ve lamented not staying in the US for the extra six months.

I think we’re doing pretty well though! In a family of six with varying needs and unique personalities it’s certainly a complicated maze navigating new schools, online learning, and a completely new way of ‘lockdown living’, but we’re learning fast. Having a grateful attitude certainly helps, as does writing. I currently have three other blog posts on the go, none of which I can complete though. I think it’s because most days my emotions seem to range through the full spectrum of the keys on a piano, and I’ve found that what I had written in the previous 24hrs no longer held any relevance to what I thought I originally wanted to say. It’s been like a big puddle of conflicting emotions, sitting in the leftovers of an enormous storm that’s thrown your whole life across the world and back again - and now its the calm, lamenting stillness that needs to be filtered to form a new life.

Instead of writing about guns, truth, or belief systems - all of which I’ve drafted posts on, I realised I needed to go back to the beginning, and remember why I started this blog in the first place, back in February 2020. It was to showcase my photography. The writing was just an added bonus. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever envisage myself writing about some of the topics I’ve either researched or written about from my soul. I know that I’m still clinging onto the newly discovered ‘Memphis version’ of myself that became more creative and less fearful, but also to the whole magnificent adventure of our move and travel. I’ve been wishing that it never ended, but looking back through all the photos has helped me with closure, and delving into the history books with curiosity has aided in understanding my own past a little better. I wasn’t intending to do a post of this ilk until at least six months after my return home, but I’m finding it’s needing to come out now, so I’ve been forced to play my hand in a way. I think it will benefit my ability to let go, and move on.

So, in keeping all of that in mind, the following photo story is a journey of emotions, through the colour that I experienced in the US. They’re mostly just snaps of things that I was curious about or thought looked pretty, and they don’t necessarily represent the emotions listed; but I discuss the meaning of - and my relationship to - each colour, as I go; with a few final thoughts at the end.

RED

EXCITEMENT, attention-seeking, passionate, strong, stimulating, masculine, courageous. Also can denote a warning, pain, and is the colour of stop. It’s not a colour that I loved in my younger years, but one that I grew into as I aged. In the US, it predominantly makes me think of Trump and red MAGA hats!

*The red staircase at the refurbished ‘Sears Department Store’. Now known as Crosstown Concourse. Memphis, Tennessee.*

*Our backyard in Memphis after the ice storm, February 2021*

*Shop on Summer Avenue, Memphis, TN (the owner thought I was a journalist and asked to see my passport!)*

*View from a makeshift ‘outdoor dining restaurant’ in New York, NYE 2020 (during COVID when all indoor dining was banned)*

*The iconic sign, circa 1921, Memphis, TN*

*Bar in Chicago, Illinois (closed at the time though due to COVID)*

*Foliage in the Great Smoky Mountains, Tennessee*

*Vintage signage in Greenwood, Mississippi*

*Slide at the Museum of Ice cream, New York, NY*

PINK

FEMININE-POWER, joyous, vibrant, nurturing, compassionate, empathetic, romantic, healing. A colour I’ve loved forever and always feel drawn to. It’s also one I’m often trying to let go of - sometimes I feel too old for it, or it’s too ‘pretty’, or even a bit flamboyant - but it always seems to come back to me, no matter how many times I try. In the US, pink reminds me of all the stunning flowers that would bloom in spring.

*Cute sign in a shop in Tuscon, Arizona*

*‘Stairway to Heaven’ - to the ice creams! Ice Cream Factory, New York, NY*

*Hernando de Soto bridge, otherwise known as the ‘Big M’, Memphis, TN*

*A pink-lit tunnel in Montgomery, Alabama*

*Stunning clouds on a Hunter’s Moon (October full moon) evening, Asheville, North Carolina*

*One of the beautiful painted homes on ‘Rainbow Row’, Charleston, South Carolina*

ORANGE

FUN, warm, secure, comforting, sensual, happy. Can also represent frustration. I once painted a flat I was living in bright orange - it made me feel good, but I probably wouldn’t do it again, it felt a bit hot! In the US, orange reminds me of the wonderful FALL decorating, as well as all the ginger cats in the neighbourhood. Here at home, I’m looking forward to having fun with my old friends when I get a chance to see them!

*Searching for Halloween pumpkins at the local Pumpkin Patch, Memphis, TN*

*This butterfly was observed in the old slave quarters of a historic Southern plantation, South Carolina*

*Cooking s’mores, the American camp fire dessert of marshmallow and melted chocolate squished between gram crackers - delicious!*

*The sun about to rise behind Monument Valley, Arizona - Utah border*

YELLOW

CREATIVE, optimistic, uplifting, cheerful, confident, awakened. Also represents the mind, along with emotional fragility, fear, and anxiety. I’ve always liked yellow. It makes me happy when I wear it, and it actually does seem to give me confidence. In the US, it’s the yellow outfits that I saw on Beale St that will always stand out for me.

*Sunrise above Monument Valley, Arizona - Utah border*

*The yellow and blue TV room at Elvis Presley’s Graceland, Memphis, TN*

*One of the many public school buses, Memphis, TN*

*Tony’s Barber Shop, outskirts of Clarksdale, Mississippi*

GOLD

ACHIEVEMENT, illumination, passion, loyalty, glamour, wisdom, magic, wealth, divine connection. Also known as the Master Healer. I remember coveting a chunky gold bracelet as a teen, they were all the rage. In the US, gold sadly reminds me mostly of the garish gold Trump Tower in New York!

*Gold statues in Hollywood, Los Angeles, California*

BROWN

SUPPORT, earth, grounded, connection, reliability. A strong colour of my youth growing up on a farm - I have fond memories of jumping on and off the combine harvester, along with the smell of the brown dirt when the always-much-needed raindrops first hit the soil. In the US, I associate it mostly with the stunning landscapes.

*The ‘tear-drop’ rock formation at Monument Valley, Arizona - Utah Border*

*A Hogan, a traditional dwelling and ceremonial structure of the Navajo Indians of Arizona and New Mexico*

*The beautiful abandoned Sterick Building, Memphis, TN*

*Artist’s Palette, Death Valley, California*

*The road to Zabriskie Point, Death Valley, California*

*Monument Valley, Arizona - Utah border*

BLUE

INTELLIGENT, truthful, calming, tranquil, peaceful, trustworthy, reflective. Can sometimes be cold and aloof. I didn’t realise how much I missed blue, especially the blue of the ocean, until I moved to the land-locked city of Memphis. In the US, blue will always make me think of the 2020 election and the Democrats win, along with the music of ‘The Blues’, one thing I regret I didn’t see more of live due to COVID.

*Travelers Hotel, Clarksdale, Mississippi*

The famous ‘Crossroads’ sign, where legend says that musician Robert Johnson sold his soul to the Devil for the ability to play the blues , Clarksdale, Mississippi — *The famous ‘Crossroads’ sign, where* *legend says* *that musician Robert Johnson sold his soul to the Devil for the ability to play the blues , Clarksdale, Mississippi*

*The beautiful Berkeley Building built in 1905, Boston, Massachusetts*

*Slime making during lockdown, April 2020, Memphis, TN*

The mysterious and fabulous Amargosa Opera House, Death Valley Junction, California (see video at the bottom to hear about this amazing story of a why a Broadway dancer started her own theatre in the Mojave Desert)

*Mississippi Blues Trail sign, Clarksdale, MS*

Our backyard pool in Memphis. With temperatures consistently in the mid 30s (degrees Celsius) and high humidity 5 months of the year, this was a lifesaver, for our family and all the neighbourhood kids!

*The Gateway Arch - the world’s tallest arch, St Louis, Missouri*

*One of many Interstate signs in the US, this one in Missouri*

*Jellyfish at the Key West aquarium, Florida*

PURPLE

SPIRITUAL, royal, contemplative, introvertive, authentic, intuitive. Can also represent power, ambition, disconnection with spirit and lack of clarity. This wasn’t a colour I’ve had much association with in my past, but as I’ve delved into more spiritual practices, the colour and it’s importance has grown on me. In the US, I probably associate this colour most with some of the gorgeous architecture, along with a brilliant night out in Nashville at Tootie’s Orchid Lounge honky-tonk (pre-COVID).

*One of the houses on ‘Rainbow Row’, Charleston, South Carolina*

*The ‘world famous’ Tootsies Orchid Lounge (honky-tonk bar), Nashville, Tennessee*

*One of the cascading waterfalls at Ruby Falls, Lookout Mountain, near Chattanooga, Tennessee*

*Jellyfish at the Shedd Aquarium, Chicago, Illinois*

*One of the 3 stages inside the ‘world famous’ Tootsies Orchid Lounge (honky-tonk bar), Nashville, Tennessee*

*Voter registration bus, National Voting Rights Museum, Selma, Alabama*

GREEN

(yes, I know I’ve gone out of rainbow order here, but that’s how I like it sometimes)

NATURE, balance, growth, peace, harmony, Mother Earth, heart chakra, unconditional love. Also the colour of envy. A colour I’ve always been drawn to. I see a future for myself with more ‘Mother Earth’ in it, somehow helping to protect and conserve our beautiful planet. In some states in the US (more so the South), I didn’t feel there was enough emphasis on ‘green living’ and recycling. I saw far too much singe-use plastic and polystyrene take-away packaging. I wanted to try and educate the school my children attended with better recycling practices, to leave as a legacy, but then COVID hit, and recycling became even harder!

*The beautiful clear water of Santa Rosa Beach, 30A, Florida*

*Peeling paint at an abandoned house, Memphis, TN*

*The refurbished Art Deco 1936 Greyhound bus station in Clarksdale, Mississippi*

*Shelby Farms Greenline path - where I would walk most days. It was an amazing spot to watch the changing seasons (see my snow photo further below), Memphis, TN*

*Colourful house on Tybee Island Beach, Savannah, Georgia*

*Our local ‘Party City’ decorating shop. Clearly this was the St Patrick’s Day aisle! The shop is HUGE.*

*Historic Baseball Trail, Hot Springs, Arkansas*

*I thought this was an abandoned ‘Corned Beef House’ but on closer inspection, I think it was just closed for COVID and is still operational, Memphis, TN*

GREY, BLACK and WHITE

Not official colours, but worth mentioning.

GREY

MATURE, conservative, dependable, practical. Can be associated with sadness and isolation. It was never a colour I warmed to, but definitely as I’ve aged, I find myself appreciating its complexities so much more. Grey is the transition between black and white, so probably quite representative of my time now in a sort of no-man’s-land, moving from one life into the next.

BLACK

SOPHISTICATION, power, mystery, elegance, space. Also representative of grief and anger. In a past hotel job, everything associated with the hotel was black - the building, the uniform, the dining areas etc. This dark environment, coupled with alcohol, brought out some of the worst in human nature. It was very interesting to observe. In the US, it’s probably the Black Lives Matter movement that I will always associate with the colour. There is also an element of grief I’m experiencing at the moment. Besides the grief I’ve been feeling over the loss of my step-father, it’s a well known fact that ‘expat grief’ is experienced by most people that leave one life behind for another. I’ve done that twice now in recent years - moving to the US in late 2018, then moving home again in June 2021. It takes a period of time to adjust and you go through all the stages of grief - shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and eventually acceptance. I’m close to acceptance, but it’s a process, and one that you can’t just switch on or off.

*Famous music venue ‘The Viper Room’, also where River Phoenix sadly passed away. Los Angeles, California*

*Clothing store in Kansas City, Missouri*

*The marker on the Mississippi Freedom Trail close to where the horrific Emmett Till murder took place, Money, Mississippi*

WHITE

REFLECTION, light, simplicity, honesty, clarity, purity, innocence, faith, new beginnings, clean slate. Can also denote cold and sterile. White reflects the full spectrum of colour into our eyes. In the US, I’ll fondly remember the historical ice and snow storms that hit Memphis in February 2021. With virtually no snow ploughs in the city, all schools and shops were closed. The kids had a ball tobogganing with their friends. For me now, I’ll take ‘new beginnings’ into the next phase of my life.

*Shelby Greenline path after the snow storms, Memphis, TN*

*Frozen ice I encountered on the sidewalk on one of my walks, Memphis, TN*

*Mary Ann Drive, our street in East Memphis after the snow storms, TN*

What an absolute privilege it has been exploring the great country of the USA and all of its diverse cultures, landscapes, and personalities. Whilst we had to cut our trip a little shorter than what we’d hoped and it feels like there is still some unfinished business, I certainly feel like we’ve experienced an intense breadth and depth of its colour and emotion, and for that I’m so very thankful.

*Installation at The Color Factory, New York, NY*

A favourite saying of mine is ‘you meet people for a season, reason, or lifetime’, but I think the same can be said for a life-changing adventure. We’ve had our season, the reasons were plentiful (with bonus treasure discovered along the way), and the memories will be there for a lifetime. In my time living in Memphis and travelling the US, I experienced a spiritual-awakening of sorts, and many of my ‘conditioned layers’ have been peeled back. It’s left me somewhat raw, but also confident that I’m closer to my true-self and next mission. There is a lot to re-learn, without the conditioning. Whilst there is so much sadness that this adventure is over, I’m nervously excited to tackle the next one with courage, bravery, creativity and soul, whatever that may be. Let the bold journey begin!

So long, and farewell USA. Thank you for all you have given me. I hope I’ve been able to give something back to you, too. I miss you, and whilst I might not ever see you again, you’ll be forever in my heart.

Finally, I wanted to include this beautiful short film by Australian Poppy Walker on Marta Beckett, the Broadway dancer that started the Amargosa Opera House at Death Valley Junction, California. It’s a fascinating story.

‘Poppy Walker is an director and producer, whose work explores the wonders and complexities of the human condition.

Her award-winning documentary short Dust Devil (2019) has screened at festivals including: Hot Docs International Documentary Festival, Canada; Big Sky Documentary Film Festival, USA; Flickerfest International Short Film Festival, Australia; Santa Barbara International Film Festival, USA and Ashland Independent Film Festival, USA, where it won the Jury Award for Best Short Documentary.’

I’m not sure where this blog will head from here. It’s been a wonderful outlet for me to express myself during my time abroad. There are still a few unwritten blog posts from my time away that may come out yet. In the meantime, I’m contemplating that next step - work, study, volunteer? I have a few ideas, but if you have any thoughts yourself - let me know! Sometimes others see potential in you that you can’t see in yourself. I feel like a 17 yr-old again trying to work out what to do when I grow up. It’s exciting, but a bit scary at the same time. I’m hoping any past fears I had as a teenager will no longer stop me from achieving what I was put on this earth to do, and I hope that becomes even clearer in the coming months.

Thanks for reading so far……I appreciate the support so very much.