The Gift of Great Teachers
My kids - they’ve taught me many lessons!
We’ve just had ‘Teacher Appreciation Week’ here in the US, and I’ve never appreciated teachers as much as I do now! And I think this is echoed around the world. The abrupt move from teaching classroom style to home learning for three quarters of the world’s population is simply hard to fathom. What an enormous feat these teachers have achieved. Whilst not all smooth sailing, and added stress has been thrust upon families with kids, I don’t think the kids have been too disadvantaged, and are learning some new life skills out of the situation. Of course, I can only speak for myself from my privileged background. I know there will be many children disadvantaged; but that is for another blog post in the future, when we can really understand all of the consequences of COVID-19.
Today, Mother’s Day, I reflect on the wonderful teaching gifts I’ve received throughout my life, and share with you some of those gifts that have helped shape who I am, particularly during the challenging years of motherhood when I was a bit ‘lost in the woods’. From books, to health professionals, to healers and beyond, I hope these may be of service to someone else. For “every woman that heals herself helps heal all the other women who came before her, and all those that came after her”. Christiane Northrup M.D.
I believe a great teacher is one that either knows you, sees you, and can extract the potential inside of you that you can barely see yourself; or, they are someone that fiercely inspires you just by their display of brilliance, that you’re propelled to dig deep and become a truer version of yourself. They’re one of life’s greatest gifts.
We see this theme throughout the film ‘Dead Poet’s Society’; and I particularly love this scene where the masterful Mr Keating prises a poem out of the shy Todd Anderson:
Another inspiring teaching moment is when Mr Keating and the boys stand on his desk so they see the room from another perspective (1.37min in):
“I stand upon my desk to remind myself that we must constantly look at things a different way. Just when you think you know something, you have to look at it in another way. Even though it may seem silly, or wrong, you must try. Boys, you must strive to find your own voice, because the longer you wait to begin, the less likely you are to find it at all. Thoreau said most men lead lives of quiet desperation, don’t be resigned to that, break out. Dare to strike out and find new ground”.
Mothers (and fathers, but it’s Mother’s Day so I’ll focus on the Mums) are our first, and most important teachers of our early years. Besides the feeding, sleeping, eating, walking, talking and other multitude of skills a mother teaches her offspring in those early years, they’re teaching us so many other life lessons. Just as Mr Keating tells the boys to strive to find their own voice, my mother was always telling us to ‘be yourself,’ and ‘don’t follow the crowd’, and she taught us to find the joy in life by her example. Her hat box and dress up parties were the envy of the neighbourhood, and her event organising skills were second to none. The band always ended up back at our farmhouse and music was played into the small hours of the night. No wonder I ended up in the world of events!
She also taught us the joy of creativity. I call Mum a ‘true creative’, and what I mean by that, is that creativity was more of a priority than the domestic duties that needed to be done as a wife (we were always fed and clothed well though, I might add). She had a huge craft room where she taught the local ladies a range of 1980’s style crafts such as wreath making, bread wall hangings, and tissues box covers, and her applique jumpers with exquisite needlework were a hot item. She was also a pretty handy artist. As kids, we spent hours in this craft room concocting up our own inventions, although we could never find our clean clothes which were usually at the bottom of the washing pile somewhere! I have a real mix of my Mum’s creativity and my Dad’s pragmatism and organisation. As a new Mum myself, the practical side of mothering dominated (I needed a tidy house in order to function properly!) and so my own creativity subsided. But I let the kids create to their hearts content, and whilst many of my friends were banning glitter and slime, I was wholeheartedly encouraging it, because Mum had installed in me that importance of creativity and joy.
See, clothed well, if matching pink overalls are your thing
Kinder, school, and University are those places of learning when we can see both great teachers, and average teachers. The impression that a teacher can make on students in those years is immeasurable, and prudent guidance is invaluable. One of my strongest memories from the Kinder years, besides the cute little hard case I took my lunch in, is the teacher commenting that she would need to put a brick on top of my head to stop me from growing! There was no malice intended of course, and she was a great teacher! I grew up knowing that comments and teasing about my height was just par for the course with being tall (mummy long legs, daddy long legs, giraffe, stretch, Amazon were just some of the nicknames I had growing up), but on a subconscious level, I think the fact that the comment came from a teacher somehow made me feel that it was a negative thing. I was also convinced by a Dr to take medication to stop me from growing at the age of 13, but that is a story for another time. At the same time, I found myself published in the comments section of Dolly Magazine when I responded to an article about the difficulties of being short, with a counter argument about being tall. The $10 (I think) that I made for that comment is still some of the most exciting money I’ve ever made!
My point being, the words that teachers say to you, particularly at vulnerable times, are crucial. Their comments matter!
Becoming a mother, whilst absolutely amazing, was the steepest learning curve I’ve ever had to face. The teaching and comments of the mid-wives in the hospital, and the Maternal Child Nurses during the early care phase, had the power to make or break you as a mother. A great teacher would show you best practice and would not judge if you were struggling, an average teacher could make you feel like a failure. Besides the odd mid-wife in hospital, (most were wonderful), I was very lucky to have the former, and my Maternal Child Nurse (that I must have visited close to 20+ times after having 4 babies) saved me many times from the stress and expectations of what I thought it meant to be a ‘good mother’. She helped me learn that love was the most important factor, and if you could provide that, then everything else would be ok. Unfortunately that isn’t the case for many women.
I found that after the birth of a child, most medical and societal care goes to the child, not the mother. Besides the obligatory ‘Post Natal Depression’ form that was filled out at the 3 month old stage, and ‘Mothers Group’ which was a really positive experience for me (not for some others where competition ruled), there didn’t seem to be much other support for Mums, but I think that’s slowly starting to change.
‘The Postnatal Depletion Cure’ by Dr. Oscar Serrallach, has been the best book I’ve read on caring for mothers. It was published in mid 2018, so unfortunately it came too late to really help me (my babies were born between 2006-2011) and I had to find solutions to my own issues the hard way. But when I read it, it just made SO MUCH SENSE and resonated 100%. Essentially, his research has shown that many mothers are depleted of vital vitamins and minerals after the birth of a child, particularly iron, zinc, B12, B9, magnesium and copper; that it can lead to ‘Postnatal Depletion’. What modern medicine thinks is a mother suffering post-natal depression, MAY possibly be postnatal depletion, which can then lead to anxiety and depression. See this great article on Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop for a more thorough explanation: https://goop.com/wellness/health/postnatal-depletion-even-10-years-later/
“Postnatal depletion, I feel, can affect mothers from birth until the time the child is seven years of age (possibly longer). There is a lot of overlap between postnatal depletion and depression in terms of symptoms and biochemical findings. For some women postnatal depression occurs at the severe end of the spectrum of postnatal depletion. In Australia, the peak incidence of postnatal depression is four years after the child is born, not in the first six months which was previously thought to be the time of highest incidence of depression”. Dr. Serrallach
So, what were my issues after having 4 children in 5 ½ years, and what teaching lessons did I have to find out the hard way to get me through? Well, I ended up finding a wonderful Naturopath. It’s quite a long story that I might save for another time, but in a nutshell, I went through what many other mothers (and fathers) with young children go through – exhaustion, overwhelm, tiredness, anxiety, self-doubt, lack of sleep, and some pretty awful hormonal problems. It never felt quite like postnatal depression to me, according to the check-list and what I’d read about it, but I knew it was something. Eventually I ended up sitting in a psychiatrists office (after breaking down after a game of netball of all things), and the best advice she gave me was to thoroughly get my hormone levels checked. I proceeded to do this with blood tests from my GP, but everything came back ‘within the normal range’. This clearly wasn’t very satisfying, but thankfully along the way I’d been guided to a great naturopath (from my child’s Prep Teacher!) and within 10 minutes of discussion on my symptoms, she was able to diagnose Estrogen Dominance, a severe hormonal imbalance that can affect SO MUCH of our physical and emotional life. Saliva testing (apparently more accurate) confirmed this, and six months of herbal supplements pretty much cured it, and I have been on a more alternative health path ever since. She also pushed me to get really specific vitamin and mineral testing from the GP, and the results showed I was severely depleted in iron, B12, and low in Vitamin D, magnesium and others. Interestingly, what Dr. Serrallach identifies as a major contributor to Postnatal Depletion, that I read about 5 years later…..
(I will state here that this is just my own personal experience, and that for some, pharmaceutical medication may be required. For me, it was the natural remedies that helped, and the pharmaceuticals that hindered).
I credit this Naturopath Kate with helping to turn my life around. I was now open to a world of possibilities.
One of our best teachers - Mother Nature (photo taken by my daughter Ali at 10yrs)
We’re spoilt for choice of alternative health care sector therapists on the Mornington Peninsula where I was living. Conversely, now living in Memphis in ‘The South’ of USA, they’re much harder to find. Here they loosely fall under the ‘New Age’ category and are seen as anti-Christian, thus, in the highly religious South, there are many skeptics. I’ve had two older ladies tell me to ‘be careful’ when I’ve mentioned therapists that have helped me in the past. But as this document from The Vatican describes, it is open to interpretation:
“The fact that the term New Age includes many things indicates that not everyone who acquires New Age products or maintains that they are gaining a benefit from a New Age therapy, has embraced the ideology of the New Age Movement. A certain discernment, then, is necessary both for what pertains to products labelled New Age and for what pertains to those who, to a greater or lesser degree can be considered "clients" of the New Age Movement. Clients, devotees and disciples are not the same thing. Honesty and integrity require that we be very prudent and not turn every blade of grass into a bundle, by using labels with the greatest of ease”. See here for the full article: http://www.vatican.va/roman_curia/pontifical_councils/interelg/documents/rc_pc_interelg_doc_20030203_press-conf-new-age_en.html#INTERVENTION%20BY%20H.EM.%20CARD.%20PAUL%20POUPARD
Interesting. My take is, if it works for you, do it.
Two other therapists that helped enormously and taught me a great deal (both of whom I miss dearly) are Chiropractor Jo, and Kinesiologist Nan. I’ve listed their details at the bottom of this post.
Jo has been trained in a more holistic style of Chiropractic called Bio Geometric Integration. It’s quite complex, and I don’t have a scientific brain to try and explain it, but I do know that it helped calm my nervous system, it helped my daughter function in the world, and it stopped my son wetting the bed. She also happens to be a wonderful, caring human being and is gifted in so many areas. She became a great teacher to me. Jo tried to find someone in Memphis with the same training that I could visit, but unfortunately there are none. I tried one here I was advised was ‘more holistic’ but I thought she was going to crack my back in two!
In the US, Kinesiology is an academic discipline which involves the study of physical activity and its impact on health, society, and quality of life. It includes such areas of study as exercise science, sports management, athletic training and sports medicine. But Nan practices the more holistic style of Kinesiology, the system which links traditional (Chinese) Oriental ideas of energy flow (found in acupuncture), with Western style muscle testing. It brings about balance within the body by removing toxins, old belief systems, relieving energy blockages, reducing tension and enhancing the body’s natural healing ability. Nan gave me the ability to see things that I had not previously recognised, and helped clear many blockages that were holding me back from my full potential. We’re still working on that! She’s not just a Kinesiologist though, her talents are endless, and she has become one of my greatest teachers.
Having being brought up Catholic, I started to write further about Religion and spirituality, and its influence on me, thinking that it needs to be in this post. But the more I wrote, the more I needed to say. So, I’m going to leave this one for now and save it for later in the year. I think there is more I need to learn here before I can fully comment.
There are many other teachings I’ve delved into a little to learn more about myself and the world; numerology, astrology, sound healing, theta healing to name a few. All have been fascinating, and I’ve been astounded by the accuracy I’ve seen in them. Whilst these are all ‘New Agey’ and looked down upon by some, they’ve really helped me remember the core of myself that became lost amongst the fog of motherhood and the drudgery of domesticity.
Some other notable teachers (and so I can add in some more photographs) include:
Growing up on a farm - where you learn the life cycle, the seasons, feast and famine, and that nothing is really in your control.
And recipes, stories and knowledge passed down through the generations. My Dad, pictured above with the famous pasties, is the fourth generation on the farm, and my brother, pictured below, will pass down the knowledge to his sons, where hopefully one will become the 6th generation farmer.
Nature - where we learn that everything has a purpose, a time and a place.
Travel - where we learn about history, geography, different cultures, human nature, and ourselves.
A teaching moment at ‘A Place Called Home’, a school for underserved children in South LA
And books! One of my happy places is an Art Gallery bookstore. This one is inside The Tate in London. It was magnificent!
But the following books taught me a lot about the human body and how to cope as a mother with young children:
‘Lost Connections’ by Johann Hari. “Uncovering the real causes of depression – and the unexpected solution”. In the book, he questions what he was told about depression being caused by a chemical imbalance in his brain, and investigates whether this is true. I found myself nodding at many of his findings.
‘SD Protocol’ (Sympathetic Dominance) by Dr. Wayne Todd. Sympathetic dominance is when the Sympathetic Nervous System becomes dominant – basically, when your ‘fight and flight’ survival mechanism is continuously activated, leading to a range of problems. Dr. Todd has written a protocol to help stimulate the ‘rest and digest’ complementary Parasympathetic Nervous System, and I found it extremely helpful.
‘Rushing Woman’s Syndrome’ by Dr. Libby Weaver. Written from a medical perspective, Dr. Libby delves into the biochemical and emotional effects of always being in a hurry and the health consequences that urgency elicits.
‘Motherwhelmed’ by Beth Berry. Written by a mother of 4 children, this is a book for overwhelmed and overworked mothers. “It’s about untangling from the stories keeping you trapped and deconstructing those that you’ve outgrown. It’s about daring the life you’re here to live and thereby giving your children the permission to do the same”. This one is fresh off the press, and I‘ve just skimmed it so far, but already I know it speaks to me!
After the joy of reading the book ‘Untamed’ by American author Glennon Doyle which I wrote about recently, I decided to read her other books. In ‘Carry On, Warrior’, the chapter ‘On Writing and Dancing’ also really spoke to me:
“A friend recently told me that she’d love to write but doesn’t because she’s not any good at it. I have some thoughts about that.” She goes on to talk about a wedding she didn’t want to attend because she was now sober, and it was just one of those really hard things to do. Sober, she was too self-conscious to dance. Long story short, she does end up on the dance floor and she danced like she’d never danced before “wildly, horribly, embarrassingly, relentlessly”. I’ve always been self-conscious about writing (as I explained in my first blog post), but the following paragraph shouted at my heart, and gives me permission (in my own head anyway) to keep on writing:
“If, anywhere in your soul, you feel the desire to write, please write. Write as a gift to yourself and others. Everyone has a story to tell. Writing is not about tidy paragraphs that sound lovely or choosing the ‘right’ words. It’s just about noticing who you are and noticing life and sharing what you notice. When you write your truth, it is a love offering to the world because it helps us feel braver and less alone. And if you’re a really really bad writer, then it might be most important for you to write because your writing might free other really, really bad writers to have a go at it anyway. If you feel something calling you to dance or write or paint or sing, please refuse to worry about whether you’re good enough. Just do it. Be generous. Offer a gift to the world that no one can offer: yourself.”
Glennon Doyle is teaching me some important lessons!
Of course there are thousands of other teachers in our lives from the medical to the spiritual to the creative; but I think the best, and most important teacher is YOURSELF.
As Madisyn Taylor of DailyOM writes, “input from experts is valuable, but our own sense of truth is ultimately the most important. As we allow ourselves to sit with the things we learn, measuring alongside our own inner sense of the truth and our own experiences, we find that making up our minds is a joyful process of integration that grows us into stronger, smarter, more engaged human beings”.
Our gifts are within us all, deep inside, but it sometimes takes a great teacher to come along to help us see them.
Thank you to the divine gift of great teachers, especially mothers; and thank you for the precious gift of us.
For further information:
Dr. Oscar Serrallach: http://oscarserrallach.com
Nanette Abbott, Kinesiologist and Coach: https://nanetteabbott.com
Joanne Dobson, Chiropractor: https://www.facebook.com/evolveinnatehealth/