This has been a hard one to write this week. I started off deciding that it was going to be a really positive post about things that have made me smile lately, accompanied with fun, colourful photos I have taken. Whilst it is still this, I’ve also ended up talking about my parents separating when I was 13, that wasn’t the plan! …………... But, as it just seemed to want to flow out of me from some other place, I realised that there are many positives to come out of the adversity that we go through, and I understood what this post was really about. I’ve struggled to express myself succinctly this week, but I still hope you enjoy this latest installment. If I can make one person smile from my creative expression, then I think it’s worth putting it out there.

Treasure Hunts and Jigsaw Puzzles, two things we’ve been doing this week. But perhaps also a metaphor for life….

As my daughter and I were setting out a Treasure Hunt from the Easter Bunny, I began thinking about our lives being one big Treasure Map, where we collect treasure, or puzzle pieces along the way to make us who we are.

But there is no ‘one big X marks the spot’ for the final prize.

And the jigsaw puzzle is never complete.

It is all constantly evolving, and there are pieces of treasure to be found everywhere.

There are the obvious ones that we’re brought up to believe we need in order to fill our jigsaw puzzle – fulfilling job, partner, house, children etc – which are of course wonderful and important; but there are also those ‘wisdom filled’ pieces that I’ve found when I wasn’t looking, that are perhaps the most surprising and enlightening. They’re the pieces that I didn’t ever wish for or dream to be part of my life. We can’t ‘undo, unfeel, unsee’ anything we’ve experienced, but we can certainly use them all as another ‘piece of the puzzle’ or ‘X’ on our treasure map to deepen our experience of this finite physical 3D life.

One such experience is when my parents separated on the school holidays of my 13th birthday, and my Mum left the family farm to move to the city. One minute I was over the moon receiving a Ken Done (hugely popular Australian artist at the time) jumper as a birthday gift, the next I was bawling my eyes out in my bedroom when my Mum was delivering the sad news.

I was devastated….

I’ve been reflecting on this a bit lately as I have a 13 year old daughter, and another who is 12, and I’ve been trying to remember what it was like at that age. A 13 year old mind does not have the capacity to fully understand why parents break up. No one can really understand what goes on in a relationship except the two people in it. But what I did come to understand after the shock, was that ‘it was what it was’ and I needed to make the best of a shitty situation.

I grew up in the country and had been attending Boarding School for 7 months when it happened. Returning to the Boarding House after those holidays was probably the toughest time in my youth. School and my girlfriends became my life, and I learnt to look forward to the really small things in life – a game of netball on a Saturday followed by Max’s Hot Chips (these were the best!), a surprise visit from my Nanna who would bring treats, a Sunday outing, time during recess and lunchtime in the art room drawing and listening to music (this was my escape I now realise), and the 1 hr of TV we were allowed each day from 6.30-7.30pm when we would race to the ‘common room’ to get the best bean bags to watch Home and Away and Neighbours. Yes, these were the small things, but they became the big things and I looked forward to them every day/week. Over time I learnt to accept the situation (what choice do you have), and became pretty pleased that I suddenly had an extended family.

Perhaps one thing that wasn’t so good was the bottling up of the emotions. Back then, in the mid-80’s, no one I knew had separated parents, there was no counselling for kids, and it didn’t really get talked about. You just held your chin up and got on with life. But that does come at a cost. For me, it was when I had 3 babies under 3. I’d moved to a new suburb, was away from all of my family, and intense feelings of isolation set in. My husband was a tremendous support, but his work meant he was gone from the house from 6.30am-6.30pm most days, or he was travelling interstate for days at a time. All the feelings I had squashed down deep as that 13 year old came bubbling to the surface…. and it was tough trying to deal with those along with the needs of 3 little people under 3. The treasure I discovered during this time was the great support and friendships of other Mums, along with help from health care and well-being professionals, to get me through the ensuing rollercoaster years.

The great thing now is that there are a lot of resources out there helping us to learn to deal with our emotions, not like the 80’s. I imagine that in the current climate, with the isolation and many crutches we use to get through or ‘escape’ taken away from us, that buried emotions and mental health challenges will be on the rise, the world over.

This was one of the best graphs I’ve seen lately that explains the current emotional phases we may be going through (thanks to my friends Mandy and Nan for sharing).

*I’d love to think that I’m in the ‘Growth Zone’ but I’m pretty sure I move between all three zones throughout each day, depending on how agreeable my kids are being!*

There are some key lessons I’ve learnt from the past that I’m using today:

Dealing with the emotions as they surface. The wiser me knows not to stuff them down, but to find constructive ways to process them. I’m accepting of ‘all’ the emotions, feeling through them, forgiving myself for feeling bad for feeling them, then moving on….
Accepting that ‘it is what it is’, that it is out of my control, and to try and make the most of the situation
Relishing in the small things that make me smile each day

Brene Brown is a great resource, and I thought this was worth a listen (approx 55 mins)

“Dr. Marc Brackett has dedicated his life to studying emotions and to teaching us what he’s learning. In this episode, we talk about how emotional literacy – being able to recognize, name, and understand our feelings – affects everything from learning, decision making, and creativity, to relationships, health, and performance.”

Some of those ‘small things’ I’ve discovered that I’m relishing in are absolute gems:

This is my gorgeous Memphis friend Anna, who grew up in Pittsburgh. In support of the 2020 Seniors here in the US that are due to graduate in May, and are of course missing all the celebrations that go with it, Mums (Moms) have been posting their Seniors photo as a sign of support. They are classic late 80’s early 90’s photos and I’ve been loving it. So American…

The book ‘Untamed’ by Glennon Doyle is another gem I’ve found. Not only is the cover fabulously sparkly and colourful, it’s a book that I have wholeheartedly resonated with. Covering many topics such as parenting, consumerism, religion, feminism, spirituality, and racism to name a few, this book has it all. How has it taken me this long to find this woman?!

“Glennon decided to quit abandoning herself and to instead abandon the world's expectations of her. She quit being good so she could be free. She quit pleasing and started living. Soulful and uproarious, forceful and tender, Untamed is both an intimate memoir and a galvanizing wake-up call.”

Here are a few paragraphs I loved from the book:

“Each of us was born to bring forth something that has never existed: a way of being, a family, an idea, art, a community – something brand-new. We are here to fully introduce ourselves, to impose ourselves and ideas and thoughts and dreams onto the world, leaving it changed forever by who we are and what we bring forth from our depths. So we cannot contort ourselves to fit into the visible order. We must unleash ourselves and watch the world reorder itself in front of our eyes.”

I wish I understood this as that pained 13 year old who bottled up her emotions and lived smaller than what she should have for fear of more pain and rejection.

“I can use pain to become. I am here to keep becoming truer, more beautiful versions of myself again and again forever. To be alive is to be in a perpetual state of revolution. Everything I need to become the woman I’m meant to be is inside my feelings of now. Life is alchemy, and emotions are the fire that turns me to gold. I will continue to become only if I resist extinguishing myself a million times a day. If I can sit in the fire of my own feelings, I will keep becoming.”

and

“I burned the memo presenting responsible motherhood as martyrdom. I decided that the call of motherhood is to become a model, not a martyr. I unbecame a mother slowly dying in her children’s name and became a responsible mother: one who shows her children how to be fully alive.”

Perhaps this will be turn out to be one of my ‘big treasures’ rather than a small one.

There was a tinge of sadness recently as we had to cancel a trip to Nashville to see a concert, along with a trip to the Great Smoky Mountains in East Tennessee including Dollyworld, the theme park started by Dolly Parton. The next best thing has been listening to ‘Dolly’s America’. I’m only a couple of episodes in, but already it’s a riveting look at American culture as a whole and the role that people like the much loved Dolly Parton play in it. You can download it on apple podcast but here is a quick summary:

“In this intensely divided moment, one of the few things everyone still seems to agree on is Dolly Parton—but why? That simple question leads to a deeply personal, historical, and musical rethinking of one of America’s great icons. Join us for a 9-episode journey into the Dollyverse.”

*The sidewalk signs everywhere have made me smile. This challenge was pretty sweet, and they keep updating the versions every few days.*
But have you seen the Carole Baskin ones? They’ve made me laugh out loud. I’m referring to ‘Tiger King’ if you’re one the few people that haven’t seen this Netflix program yet. Now that is something you can’t ‘unsee’!

We’re more in the habit of making ones like this, well the girls at least:

The kids painted some boxes for their Easter eggs. That was our art class for the week.

And science class was bubbles!

There’s been WAY too much home economics. If anyone knew me when I was pregnant, you’ll know that I often get cravings for cake mix and cookie dough, two things that seem to be on the menu in our house at the moment every day! (and no, I am not pregnant!)

A Zoom call with my old Boarding School friends was a highlight. Most live all around Australia, with a few of us overseas, so whilst we try and have a physical catch up once a year, a Zoom call was the next best thing, and much cheaper! I’ll save you the photo, there’s enough of those going around at the moment.

We’ve seen a lot of fun, colorful, and quirky stuff on our travels, so I thought I’d share a few here to bring some brightness into your day.

The Pastels: light, soft, calming and relaxing

*Art Deco at South Beach, Miami Florida*

The quirky and fun

*The retro themed Halloween and Christmas display at a hotel in Kansas City, Missouri - amazing!*

The vibrant street art

The delicious

and the beautiful

These things have all made me smile.

But sad things make me smile too as there is beauty in sadness and pain. I’ve been a little homesick and thought this was a beautiful song to reflect on…….

We all do the best with the pieces of treasure we’ve found along the way. The treasure might be glittering and dripping with colour and diamonds, or it might be dark and depressing, and filled with pain and despair. But it is all treasure nonetheless, and helps form the puzzle that is the beautiful, messy, unique us.

Treasure Hunts, Jigsaw Puzzles and Things That Make Me Smile

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Treasure Hunts, Jigsaw Puzzles and Things That Make Me Smile

Nationalism and Nostalgia

Pandemic Emotions

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